semua "suey" kasi buang

this year is definitely not a pleasant year for me..wanted to type tis post ystdy but too bad my hand cacated liao...

so yeah here it is..

there are many bad things happen to me n my family tis year.it all started since january 2007...from the day my grandma infected by cancer,seeing her coping suffering with the sickness,seeing her passed away,her funeral and that all reminds me of how great she'd been in my life...i regretted for not doing my best for her..its too late now...

then,followed by bad things that happen to me...i slipped and fell frm stairs few weeks back.blue black on my butt for weeks.then not long after that,i was infected by dengue fever...i can say so far this is the worst experience i ever had in my 19 years life..7 days in hospital is real killing,the emptiness in life,the suffering and the pain tht make me feel like dying.though dengue fever is nothing serious compare to other sickness,but to me it is DISASTERIOUS!!!!

-beware of mosquitoes..no joke!!!-

it started with high fever the 1st day...i slept with 2 thick blanket without on-ing the fan/aircond,i still feel like as if in the snowhouse!wtf??!!then went to c doc n doc said wait 3 days to take blood test.2nd day was alrite n then the 3rd day situation got worsen..fever attack again..cnt eat at all...vomit all the medicine..at night went to c doc n admitted to hospital...btw...i fainted in the clinic!!!went to sunway medical but no bed..same goes for sjmc...wtf???!!evrything seems so wrong!!!at last was admitted to assunta..

oooohhh dear i wont wanna mention my bad experience there...all i can say its not fun at all...but..i've learnt a lesson again...a group of my frens are really supportive and kind enough...though i din meet up with them for a couple of months,but they still care for me.i'm very touched!!{ahah!sorry for being too dramatic,bt thts all frm my bottom of my heart}

i keep thinking of my dearest grandma too when i'm in hosp...my pain is ntg compare to wht she'd gone through..guess she's good now in some other place.if she's alive,she will be damn worry of me if she knows i'm sick..wel...*memories*"MAMA!!!I MISS U!!HOPE U'RE DOING GOOD"

special thanks to those who visited me-->ayie,ling jiejie,michael,aunt helen,theng,adel,seng,li ching,sook kuen,waikin kokor,lin,lois{granny pervy} n mr cheng melvyn who visited me the last 2 day b4 i discharge..waikin n mel tot i was joking when i said i'm in hosp!!bongok~~n adel took the courage to drive to assunta to visit me...thanks darling...finally u dare to drive so far passing slopes n roundabouts!thanks theng n seng for the fruits...thanks mel for the 2 bottles of green tea n the shake..uhuh nex time i will surely tell u when i'm in hosp...hahha stupid mel said nex time mus tell all the frens...scared cnt c me for the last time...cis choi!!!!!!!*touch wood*

thanks to those who concern too....dont worry i'm alright now...my swollen hand is getting better too...went yum cha with theng,mun{theng's bro},ching n kuen..they made my day...

oh yeah btw....i finallly chopped off my hair..show u people kay???hhahaha....

well...takda photo photoshop/edit de ah!!!

plse say nice lar...*except for the dark circle on my eyes*..the courage to chopped off my hair is way too risky wei...btw...i gotta go do straightening soon.

last but not least,hope all the suey is gone by now...i'm very afraid of lost n pain...plse dont take away what i have now...my family members,frens n belongings..

another year older

today is suppose to be a happy day for me..but it turn out to be a disappointed day for me..i've no mood to go for the class party or even hang out with my hi skool dearies.the person i loved the most is not in this world anymore to celebrate my 19th birthday n the following years to come...not anymore...

i totally understand that evry human being will have to go through life n death.its saddening tht i talk bout tis on my birthday.

i still cant accept the fact that grandma is not in this world wit us anymore...perhaps in another world and happier...i really hope so~i wonder where do dead people go???will they see or hear us???i wish grandma could hear me.i may sound very naive n childish but i just cant help it.grandma said tis before she passed away-->"treasure the one that is still alive,dont bother too much about the dead ones".i agree wit tis statement but does it mean tht some1 u love passed away,u will have to totally forget about them???!the relationship between me n grandma is too strong tht i cant just forget her excistence in a day or 2,or a month or even a year.i would say i wont wanna forget her.if not because of her,i would have been thrown in some dumping area..i feel loved with the excistence of hers...

btw...dont worry people...i'm alrite,its just tht i miss my grandma badly,i just wanna confess my feelings with the hope she will hear me...

my birthday wishes are

:hope grandma is happy and enjoying her life in wherever she is

:erm...get slimmer{gotta diet...food is crime..oh god!}

:money!money!money!{wanna do hair n shopping!!}

:pass my exams{i din study during study leave b'cos of sad things happen}

:all family members will stay healthy n happy

:yesshhh!!!i'm greedy...so hope all the wishes above wil come true...

-thanks to those who wish me-appreciate it very much though is just a simple wish!!!-

she's gone forever

my beloved grandma passed away today at 6.30p.m.

she's 73 years old n suffering from cologne cancer. tis sickness has been bothering her for the past 8 months. she's very tough in facing the cancer cell.i'm glad that i heard good comments about her from random people.they commented that she is a nice and kind lady.she just love mixing around with people.no doubt she loves talking.she use to be vry "ngam cham" but this 2 weeks,she's very weak to talk.though she's suffering from cancer,but she never just give up like that.not like we normal people who usually give up when there are difficulties in life.cancer sickness is not something easy to cope with.mind u she's at the fourth stage n there is no cure for her.no1 tell her that she's in the final stage of cancer and she thought she can survive longer than this.too bad...God love her more than we do!she also wish that her family members;especially her children will believe in Jesus...i will try to fulfill her wish by accepting Jesus Christ...i really miss my grandma....but i just cant do anything to get back her life and i cant afford to see her suffering!!

her touch,her smile,her voice and her soul will not be with us anymore.she will no longer tell me "u must be always be patient with people...wht people say,dont get angry with them.we must forgive them" and she no longer pushing money to me anymore.the memories between me n grandma will alwayz be on my mind.her spirit shall not be forgotten...

i've been crying for few days since last friday...however,i know i need to be strong and thats what MAMA hope too.

~hope my grandma will rest in peace without any worries.~

any1 who happen to read tis post,i dont need ur comments,i just need u to help me to pray so that my grandma will rest in peace.hope she will have a better life in who knows another world.

"MAMA!I LOVE U!"

i'm afraid of losing u

tears flow non stop whenever i think of u suffering...

it flows whenever i think of how great u have been in my life...

i dont know when can i repay u for all the things that u've done for me,no matter how minor it is.i dont know whether will i have a chance to do so?!time seems so limited for us.i regretted for not doing anything for u at all.i wanna say "MAMA!i love u!!!"i really love u though i'm staying wit u for only 7 years,but the love for u is forever.i know u love me too.u never fail to support me in terms of financial and moral support.u have always want the best for me and always worry of me.

i'm trying my best not to cry in front of u when i c u suffering.i dont want to add burden to ur sorrows.i can understand the pain that u're suffering and the pain that no1 will ever go through.u have been vry tough in bringing up your 5children and me,ur grandchild.u suffer since u were very young.i wonder why WHY must u suffer in the old age where u should be enjoying ur life???i'm so useless that i can't do anything to help.not even to pay ur medical bills or take care of u.

i'm so shameful that i dare not look at ur condition.the skinny which left almost bone u and the weak u.its been very hard for u to fight tis stupid shit cancer virus for tis 8 months and it is attacking u day by day.u're no longer walking in the small field in ur house,no longer scolding people loudly,no longer stay in ur house n no longer eating/drinking things that u like.all u can do is just to eat n vomit it out again,swallow tonnes of pills,lying down wit ur fleshless buttock which hurts,wash n change ur bag{not the bag that we normally use.i dont know what it is called,but tis is the bag where the poo poo n pee pee goes}.i cant remember the last time that u smiled to me.u're so weak that u hardly smile or laugh.

i really hope there will be miracle for u!!i cant affort to lose u...

unhappening life

omg~nowadays my life is so so so unhappening....

it shows from the number of my blog post since last month...last month n this month will be more on assignments,presentation n tests maybe....sobz~report writing was done n submitted...i think i did it badly..as usual-last minute job n procastinating...just hope that i can pass at least.because in our programme, we're require to pass every assesment..so yeah~!

the number of things i start missing{rindu bukan hilang!}

:cardio machines,(siao),clement,farah,lansi po,aunty berbelang,aunty scrub,naked lady,andy lau's tai **,steam bath,locker 143 n 145,100+,ice lemon tea n not to be forgotten body jam + "oh lord"=yoga...

it all happens in fitness first..though me n gm went for only few days,but we find it quite interesting..we felt like at home in the fitness...we laugh a lot about people n certain things there.oh so bad~biasalah nyah!anyway it ended yesterday..haha b'cos we got free voucher or wht we call it,i dont know..for 7 days...so thats all for fitness first...memories shall not be forgotten...i'm gonna miss it..sobz~

actually i wanted to join but it is a 1 year contract basis..malaslah~well...i know myself better..i semangat for a while only...after few months,or rather few weeks,i will be lazy to go for gym..even ystdy i went oso i start to feel lazy to workout already.minat steam bath jer...lolZ...~

furthermore,i gotta kononnya concentrate on studies...where got time for fitness???well~u'll be surprise...

kla -the end-